Weird but True Things I have Said

I find myself saying the strangest things. I'm not simply muttering weird things out of the blue; all of what I am saying is in response to the sometimes funny, often times outrageous, behaviour I see in our own home.

During the past week I have actually said these things to one (or more) of the girls:

1. Don't eat your flipflops.

2. Please take your feet off the wall.

3. You can use a knife. Ok, then, use your chopsticks. Never mind, just stop using your hands!

4. Who left the pen in the washing machine? Well, it exploded and now the clothes are clean but they're also stained blue.

5. Why are you wearing your underwear in the tub?

6. May I put some more olive oil in your hair?

7. I know you wrote, "Mom Love" on the backseat of the car. I love you, too, but please don't write on the car seats anymore...only write on paper...here, have some paper...yes, I know you already have a pen.

8. I know you want to be a puppy but I don't like it when you lick my arm.

9. Stop licking the door!

10. Just stop pouring apple juice onto your cereal.

11. Who put that red nail polish all over your face?

12. Is that candy or are you really eating chalk?

13. My name is no longer "Mom." When you want me, just call me, "Daddy..."