This IS my Life

A dear, thoughtful friend of mine recently asked gently, "Do you have a life?" I answered quickly, too quickly, "No, not really," I said, "I am with one or all of my girls 24/7."

First of all, that's not true. On Saturdays for several hours I leave them with my husband and relish in my alone time. On Sundays, my groom and I enjoy an afternoon date, sans children. So, I am not with them ALL the time.

But what I should have said, which is more accurate, is that my family IS my life. All I do whirls around them...if I am shopping, it is for them; if I am praying, it is concerning their needs and my need for help; if I am driving, I am bringing them somewhere; if I am on the phone, I am speaking about them, or listening to a caller and feeling distracted by thoughts of them.

Jesus promises us that if we lose our life, we will find it. I have "lost," what I felt was "mine." My time to do whatever the heck I wanted, when I wanted to, has been replaced with countless obligations. My six-figure salary is long gone, along with the fun perks such as being on Larry and Klara Silverstein's yacht during a lunar eclipse; having tea at the Ritz-Carlton in Palm Beach; lunching in Naples and hearing, "Yes," to my request for $1.5 million; co-piloting the Fuji blimp; meeting Her Royal Highness of Jordan, etc. Time for my interests: running, reading, writing, spending time with extended family and cherished friends, has pretty much evaporated. I guess this is what Jesus meant: our lives can be lost--submitted perhaps is a better word, and His promise is true. He will give us back so much more; in fact, He already has. What would I possibly buy that would bring me more happiness than hearing, "I love you Mom!" What is more fun than riding around with my three girls singing at the top of our lungs? What tastes better than a teary, salty kiss given as an apology for misbehavior? What book is better to read than listening to my children READ outloud for the first time?? I used to think moms sounded so defensive when they said, "I wouldn't trade this time with my kids for anything in the world." I thought their view of the world must be sorely limited. Now I get it. Now I am a mom. I understand that laying down my interests is necessary, and it's also okay. My interests are still there, like crocuses, pushing from underneath the heavy snow...yet, I don't need to indulge them right now. It really is okay. My interests are now in the larger, brighter snow-covered landscape. As my college roommate wisely shared, "What makes us women think we can have it all, all at once? We have to make choices."

Does this make sense to you? It still surprises me...

The other side of this coin is that I have both interests and needs, and it my interests that I have and need to put on hold. My "needs" on the other hand, must be tended to, as I will not be able to be a good wife or mother if I don't take care of the foundational requirements. But that's a different post!


With love,
m.